


'Cause You're My Medicine

by HeartxKang



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, M/M, Panic Attacks, References to Depression, kinda happy ending at least, minsung - Freeform, stray kids - Freeform, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-13
Updated: 2018-11-13
Packaged: 2019-08-23 07:17:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16614395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeartxKang/pseuds/HeartxKang
Summary: Minho is like medicine, and Jisung is addicted.A Minsung AU inspired by Medicine - The 1975





	'Cause You're My Medicine

**Author's Note:**

> So I am still not sure I should publish this AU, but here I am doing it anyway. 
> 
> I would like to put a trigger warning on this because it has a lot of refrences to depression, anxiety, etc and there is descriptions of panic attacks. (I think that I have put a bit too much of myself in this one, but that's besides the point.)
> 
> If you decide to read this anyway I would reccomend you to listen to Medicine by The 1975, it's the song that gave me inspiration to write this fic. 
> 
> And lastly, feel free to leave kudos and comments with your thoughts, thank you :)
> 
> (Trigger warning: refrences to depression, anxiety, descriptions of panic attacks, a lot of sadness)

The safest place Jisung know is in the arms of Minho’s. Face muffled into the older’s chest, Minho’s arms around Jisung, holding him tight. Their bodies pressed together, synced breathing and steady hearts. The warmth from Minho calmes Jisung down, makes him feel safe and like there is nothing to be afraid of. Minho is always there to protect him, Minho would never let Jisung get hurt. Jisung breathe in the older, the scent of flowers filling his lungs. Minho always smells like flowers, the kind that grows under the spring sun and makes you happy inside. It is a scent that Jisung associates with warmth and safety, because that is what Minho is to him. Minho is the one that always has Jisung’s back, the one that catches him when he falls, the one that supports him no matter what. But Minho is also the one that laughs along with Jisung, the one that makes him smile when he feels like crying. There is no better place Jisung knows, than in Minho’s arms. 

 

There’s good days, and bad days. More of the good ones than the bad ones, but it is always the bad ones that would leave a mark on Jisung. On the good days Jisung is full of energy, and there is no sight of anything bad. He teases Changbin, annoys Seungmin, jokes around with Jeongin. Chan and Woojin often has to tell Jisung to calm down as they laugh at the hyperactive kid. On the good days Felix shares the new music he has found with Jisung, and they listen together. Hyunjin brings Jisung snacks and plays with his fingers. On the good days Minho smiles at Jisung. Jokingly tickles Jisung until he out of breath screams for him to stop. On the good days Jisung place kisses all over Minho’s face. Cheeks, forehead, chin, lips. Jisung lets himself love Minho, and he lets Minho love him. Jisung loves kissing Minho, pressing his soft lips against the smooth skin of the older. Often Minho pretends to be disgusted as he smiles widely and lets Jisung continue doing what he is doing. And when Jisung’s lips reaches Minho’s, Minho kisses back. He always kiss Jisung back.  

 

But then there is the bad days, and on the bad days Jisung only wants Minho. On the bad days Jisung’s friends try to cheer him up. They bring him snacks, say encouraging words, send funny GIFs. But Jisung does not want them to see him like that, like he is sad and needs help to smile. On the bad days Jisung fakes a smile around Changbin, Chan and Woojin. Says lame jokes without laughing to Seungmin and Jeongin. Pretends to listen to music with Felix and Hyunjin, while his mind sails away. On the bad days the only one Jisung lets see the real him, the vulnerable and sad him, is Minho. On the bad days Minho holds Jisung in his arms, pressing the smaller body against his bigger one and he would let Jisung lay there for as long as he needs to. Minho whispers soft things into Jisung’s hair, while stroking circles on Jisung’s back. On the bad days Minho is the only one that can bring the sadness out of Jisung, the only one that can make Jisung feel like maybe it will be okay. On the bad days there is no kissing, only Minho telling Jisung everything is okay and that he is safe in his arms. On the bad days the only thing preventing Jisung from fading away, is Minho. 

 

The bad days has slowly but steady started to become a part of Jisung, and he wasn’t even aware of it happening until it was too late, not until the bad days was there and had decided to make regular visits. There can be several good days in a row, but then the bad will hit like a nuclear bomb. The waves of sadness will wash over Jisung without any warning, and the only thing keeping him from drowning is Minho telling him how to swim. What makes it even worse is that most of the time Jisung doesn’t know why he feels so low. It might be easier to accept it if there is a sensible reason behind it, like failing a test or a friend letting him down, but there almost never is. Maybe that also is the reason behind Jisung’s fear of being left alone with the sadness, and that’s why he clings onto Minho when it strikes.

 

***

 

Changbin is deep down in his textbook, Felix and Seungmin is listening to something, sharing headphones. Jeongin is teasing Hyunjin by poking him. Chan and Woojin are sharing snacks, while Minho is walking around the table, annoying everyone. It is lunch break and all nine of them has gathered around their usual table. Jisung looks at his friends and today his heart feels happy. There is almost always laughter and smiles at lunch, and today is a day where Jisung can enjoy the happy time with his friends. 

“Seungmin, help me!” Changbin groans and slams his head into the book. “I don’t understand anything.” 

“Okay, but-” Seungmin raises his eyebrows towards Changbin. “What do I get in return?” 

“Why can’t you just be nice and help me? Why do I always have to give you something in return?” Changbin mutters. “Forget it.”

“Changbin-hyung, you know you’re gonna fail that test without Seungmin” Jisung laughs at him. “It’s your fault that you haven’t studied.”

If looks could kill, ashes would be the only thing left of Jisung, and he can’t help but laugh at his older friend. It happened all the time, Changbin procrastinating and not doing his schoolwork, and then relying on Seungmin to help him. Seungmin is probably getting sick of it, or maybe just seeing it as a good opportunity to get free food. 

“I’ll buy you coffee, please Seungmin!” Changbin beggs and looks at the redhead with big puppy eyes, and to Jisung’s surprise it works.

“Stop looking at me like that” Seungmin says in disgust, before sighing and agreeing to help. “What is it you need help with?”

Suddenly a loud scream is heard and everyone turns their head towards the end of the table where the sound originated from. Minho is standing by Woojin, rubbing the top of his arm with a disgruntled expression on his face. 

“Woojin-hyung hit me” he pouts. 

“You tried stealing my chips!” Woojin defends himself, and Jisung laughs as he shakes his head lightly. Minho should know better than to try to steal Woojin’s food, he really only have himself to blame. 

“Minho-hyung, you can share mine” Jisung holds up his bag of cheetos towards Minho, who shines up in a big smile. That exact smile Jisung was hoping would show up on Minho’s face, the one that makes him feel warm inside.

“Hannie, darling, the only one I can trust” Minho dramatically says as he sits down next to Jisung and throws an arm around the younger’s shoulders. Everyone around the table laughs at him for acting like he is. But on the other hand, he is only being himself. 

“You’re such a drama queen”  Chan teases and the response Minho gives him is a look that could kill, as he shoves cheetos into his mouth, but then he cracks up in a light giggle. 

 

The school bell rings, lunch is over and it’s time for class. Everyone starts packing up their things and before Jisung knows it it is just him and Minho left. 

“Walk you to class?” Minho smiles and Jisung nods. It is only a two minute walk to Jisung’s math classroom, but he doesn’t say no to company, especially not Minho’s. Jisung locks arms with Minho, holding his arm tight. 

“You okay?” Minho asks. 

“Yes, it’s a good day today.” Jisung smiles towards Minho, who shows off one of his pretty smiles back. 

“Hyung, can we get ice cream after school?” The sun is shining outside and it would be a waste not to take advantage of it. 

“Sure” Minho answers. Out of happiness Jisung gives Minho a tight hug, he really is in a good mood today. Minho hugs tightly back, before saying that he will pick Jisung up after his last class, and then leaving the younger for an hour of math. 

 

There is rumors at school, Jisung is well aware. He notices the whispers in the hallway whenever he is with Minho, he knows they talk behind his back, but Jisung doesn’t care. To tell the truth, he did in the beginning, but Minho told him to ignore them, that the only thing that mattered was that they both knew the actual truth. Everyone around Jisung assumes Minho is his boyfriend, but that is not the case, even though Jisung wishes it was. It is a grey area and Jisung doesn’t know how to define it. More than friends, but not together. Friends that cuddle and kiss, maybe? No, it isn’t possible to put a label on it, _ on them, _ and why should they have to? Jisung is happy the way it is, even if he sometimes wish for more, to be able to call Minho  _ his _ . He has tried to ask Minho to be his, not only once, but twice, and with the same result both times. 

 

The first time the question came up Jisung laid in Minho’s arms, slowly breathing in the floral scent. It had been a bad day, but Minho was there to take care of Jisung. The whole of Jisung’s body had felt heavy and he felt sad, not knowing why. The thoughts were running through Jisung’s head, and the only one he could grasp was how much he appreciated Minho. The one always being there for him, never complaining, doing more than he had to. Jisung realised that he never wanted to be without Minho by his side. Having Minho by his side meant being safe, being able to smile even though Jisung didn’t feel like it. Being with Minho meant Jisung was able to breath, to finally be above the water surface and not feel like he was drowning. Minho was the boy Jisung loved, and the more he thought about it the more sure he became. 

“Minho-hyung” Jisung quietly said. “I love you.”

Just like that Jisung threw the words out in the open, leaving him vulnerable. But it was okay, because it was Minho he had said it to. 

“I love you too, Hannie” Minho had answered, placing a kiss on top of Jisung’s head. Minho’s word made Jisung feel warm inside, pushing away a little of the sadness that was the host of Jisung’s body for the day. For about a minute Jisung debated if he should ask Minho the question he so badly wanted an answer to. The question which one answer meant that Minho would be guaranteed to stay by Jisung’s side.

“Minho-hyung, will you be my boyfriend?” Jisung whispered, voice barely being able to carry the loaded question. Minho didn’t answer at first, and to Jisung it felt like an eternity before Minho finally said:

“I would love to, but no, I can’t.”

Jisung sat up, confused and not sure how to process what Minho had just said. 

“But why not?” Jisung said, his voice cracked. Minho pulled Jisung back down onto his chest and wrapped his arms around the smaller boy. 

“Because you have had a bad day, and you’re not thinking straight. It wouldn’t be fair to either one of us if I said yes.”

It hurt, but Jisung knew Minho was right, because Minho knew Jisung better than Jisung knew himself. 

“You won’t leave, right?” Jisung had to ask, he needed to know Minho wasn’t going anywhere. 

“Never” Minho answered and that was all that Jisung needed to hear to be sure. One word was all it took. 

 

The second time Jisung had asked Minho to be his boyfriend had been on one of the good days.They had been playing video games all afternoon, which mostly meant Minho kicking Jisung’s ass, but that didn’t matter. 

“Ha! Got ya’!” Minho shouted as Jisungs character blew up in small pixels on the TV-screen in front of them. 

“Hey, not fair” Jisung pouted. “You’re being mean.”

“It’s not my fault I’m better than you” Minho said with fake haughtily, but his poker face didn’t last for long. A wide smile spread across the olders face, and it was impossible for Jisung not to find Minho extremely cute. The way Minho’s smile spread to his eyes, making them sparkle in the reflection from the TV. Without thinking about it twice Jisung moved over to Minho, leaning over the older and pressed their soft lips together, before jumping back to his old position just as quick. Jisung’s lips burned from where they had touched Minho’s, but Jisung couldn’t help but smile. It wasn’t the first time they had kissed, not even the second. No, they had kissed several times before, but still it felt exciting everytime it happened.  

“Let’s play again, I want revenge” Jisung said and started the game again, but he couldn't concentrate. The only thing Jisung could focus on was how good it felt to have Minho’s lips on his, and how he wanted it to happen more often. So when Jisung lost again he turned towards Minho, unsure if the word on his tongue were supposed to be said out loud. 

“Minho-hyung” Jisung started. “Will you be my boyfriend?”

It was now the second time Jisung had asked the same question, but this time the situation was different. This time it was a good day, with Jisung being able to sort his thoughts and being sure of what he actually felt. There was no sadness twisting things, making him confused.

“Hannie” Minho sighed. “You know I can’t say yes, even though I really want to.”

“But why?” Jisung asked. He wasn’t surprised, it was an expected answer.

“Because it’s not the right time to put the pressure of a relationship on you, you don’t need that right now. Maybe you can handle it on the good days, but I don’t know about the bad ones.” Minho explained, and Jisung knew what he was saying was true. “I don’t want you to feel worse due to pressure, and I don’t want you to associate that bad pressure with me. I only want to be something positive to you. Maybe we can try later, when you are in a better mental place, okay?”

Jisung sighed, but nodded. He understood exactly and it made so much sense. A relationship needs commitment, it is something that needs a lot of effort and energy. It was something Jisung could only contribute with on his good days, but on the bad it wouldn’t be possible. On the bad days it would instead make Jisung feel guilty he wasn’t able to give Minho what he deserved, and that pressure would make everything even worse. What Jisung had with Minho was enough for the moment, it was enough that Minho stayed by Jisung’s side, during both the good and the bad. As long as Minho stayed it was okay, because he would stay, right?

“And no, I won’t ever leave” Minho reassured before Jisung was able to ask the question out loud. 

“Good” Jisung nodded. “Now, let’s play again. I want to win this time.”

 

***

 

Minho holds Jisung’s hand as they walk home from school, locking their fingers together. They walk slowly, not saying much, and they don’t have to. It has been one of those bad days, and Jisung feels exhausted, all he wants to do is sleep. But Minho leads the way to his house, where Jisung has been so many times before. It is about the same size as his own, and Jisung feels just as home there as in his own house. The smell of freshly baked bread always that always lingers in the air hits them when Minho unlocks the front door. Jisung follows the older into the kitchen, takes a seat at the table while Minho searches the cupboards form something to eat. 

“So we have two choices; rice or ramen?” Minho holds up a packet of rice in his one hand, and a packet of instant noodles in the other. 

“Ramen” Jisung says and smiles weakly. The truth is that Jisung isn’t hungry, and he doesn’t have the energy to care enough if they eat ramen or rice. But Jisung knows, that by choosing one of the two alternatives Minho will feel a little bit better. Minho will feel like Jisung is a little bit more there, and not just a wall of something unreachable. 

“Ramen it is” Minho laughs and starts preparing the food. While Minho cooks he hums along with some song Jisung doesn’t recognize, probably one of Felix’s recommendations. Jisung just sits at the kitchen table, resting his face in his hands, watching Minho as he runs around in the kitchen. 

 

“Tadaaa” Minho proudly places a bowl of steaming noodles in front of Jisung. “I’m such a masterchef.”

“Yeah hyung, ‘cus it’s so hard to make ramen” Jisung says and even though he attempted to joke, he can’t bring himself to laugh. Thankfully Minho burst out in a bubbly laugh, that kind of laugh that is so contagious that it is impossible for Jisung not to at least smirk a little, even though it disappears just as quick.. 

“Hey, I poured my soul into this dish, just for you”, Minho pretends to be offended, but his smile shines through. “Now eat up, you need it. I don’t want you to fade away.”

The ramen grows in Jisung’s mouth as he chews. It doesn’t taste anything, and it is hard to swallow. As Jisung eats he can feel Minho’s eyes on him, making sure that he finishes everything, and Jisung does. The only reason for it being to make Minho a little less worried. Eating always gives off the impression that you are feeling a bit better, right?

 

After Jisung has forced himself to eat the whole bowl of ramen Minho leads him to his room, and they sit on Minho’s bed. They sit close, Minho’s arm around Jisung’s shoulders and Jisung leaning against the older. Minho has placed his laptop in his lap and has started a compilation of cat clips. Every now and then Minho giggles at a cat that trips or does something cute. Jisung tries to concentrate on what’s on the screen in front of him, but his eyes blend all the colours together to a big mess. He was watching, but nothing sticking in his brain and Jisung could not remember what the grey cat had done just a few seconds ago, not even if he tried his hardest. It is enough that Minho is enjoying himself, Minho being happy makes Jisung feel a little bit better. Minho’s giggle is the purest thing in the world, and that means that not everything in Jisung’s life is bad. But eventually Jisung’s eyelids start to get heavier and heavier and all he wants to do is go to bed, but he does not want to go home. Jisung does not want to leave Minho’s side.

“Hyung, do you think I can stay the night?” Jisung asks softly. “I don’t feel like going home.”

“I have already texted your mother” Minho smiles. “It’s okay with her.” 

The fact that Minho already has thought one step ahead warms Jisung’s heart, and he has to push back tears that burns behind his eyes. Minho is so considerate, and he knows Jisung better than Jisung knows himself. Jisung has no idea what he has done to deserve someone like Minho, but he knows that he loves him with all of his heart. So there, on Minho’s chest, Jisung closes his eyes and soon falls asleep.

 

The first thing Jisung notices when he opens his eyes is that it’s dark, meaning that it is still night. The second thing he notices is that he is freezing, it’s cold. Jisung reach out his arm, searching for Minho, to pull him closer. But there is nothing there for Jisung’s hand to find. Desperately Jisung waves around, trying to grab something solid, but empty sheets is all there is. The panic is there the same second Jisung realises Minho is gone, and he has no idea where the older is. The anxiety creeps up Jisung’s spine, tangling itself around his chest, making it hard for him to breathe, like a snake killing its prey. “ _ Deep breaths, in and out” _ Jisung tries to tell himself as the breathing only becomes faster. The air barely reaches his lungs before it’s on it way out again. Jisung’s mind is spinning around in circles, not able to make a straight thought. Where the hell is Minho? It feels like the snake is suffocating him, squeezing his chest with all of its power. All around Jisung the darkness pushing onto him, and he is so scared. Jisung’s hands grab the sheets around him and he squeezes as hard as he can, trying to hold on, not to let the darkness swallow him.

_ Make it go away _

It feels like Jisung’s body does not belong to him, he is telling it to stop shaking, to breathe normally but it doesn’t obey. He has lost all control. 

“Jisung, calm down” Minho sweeps his arms around the shaking body of Jisung, before sitting down in front of him and grabs his hands. “ I’m here, it’s okay.” 

“Breathe with me, okay?” Minho’s voice is stable and clear, and it is something Jisung always has connected with safety. In the moment it is the only thing Jisung knows is real, the only thing that breaks through in his spinning mind. “Breathe in, 1-2-3-4-5, and breathe out, 1-2-3-4-5, and in--” 

Jisung tries his best to follow Minho’s instructions and eventually his breathing comes back to normal, heart stops racing. With shaky hands Jisung grabs onto Minho’s t-shirt and press himself against the older’s chest, and the older hugs him tightly. Jisung is safe again, but his body is still shaking.

“I-I didn’t know where you where”, Jisung sniffling whispers into Minho’s chest. 

“I’m so sorry, Hannie”, Minho whispers back. “I went to the bathroom, I’m so sorry for worrying you.”

What Jisung wants to say is that it is not Minho’s fault, that he shouldn’t be apologizing, because he hasn’t done anything wrong. Jisung wants to say that it is all his own fault for being like this, that he wishes he wasn’t a mess of panic. There is so much Jisung wants to tell Minho, but the only thing Jisung actually manages to do is silently cry into Minho’s strong chest. 

“Let’s go back to sleep” Minho whispers. “I’m right here, you are safe. I am not going anywhere.”

Jisung manages to nod, and he takes a few deep breaths. While listening to the strong heartbeat inside of Minho, and feeling Minho’s stable breaths, Jisung closes his eyes. His body has stopped shaking, it is back being his again, and in the safety of Minho’s arms, Jisung is able to fall back to sleep again. 

 

***

 

When Jisung walks through the door he notices Jeongin’s laugh right away. Chan is quick to see Jisung and waves at him to come over. Smiling he walks over to the the table where the most of the boys already are seated. For a month they had tried to make this restaurant visit happen, but everytime a date was proposed there was always someone who couldn’t come. Now, finally, it was happening, and Jisung had been looking forward to it all day. It had been an okay day so far, school had been busy but not too much and he had fun with Felix during lunch.. 

“Where is Changbin and Woojin?” Jisung asks as he slips down on the seat next to Minho. 

“Changbin said his bus is late” Chan shakes his head a little, as to show that he is not surprised.

“And here comes Woojin” Hyunjin nods towards the door.

Jisung turns around and waves to Woojin who just walked in. The older boy smiles, like always and walks over to them. 

“I’m starving, let’s order. Changbin will be here soon.” Chan says as Woojin sits down and Jisung starts looking through the menu. 

 

The food arrives and everyone starts digging in, except for Jisung, he only stares at his plate. He is telling himself to pick up the fork, but his body does not obey. Suddenly everything around him is so loud. It all came out of nowhere, unexpected and unwelcomed. It’s too loud. Knives scraping against plates as food is being cut. Water glasses slamming against the table as they are being put down. People talking nonstop, their voices becoming louder and louder. All the noise is filling Jisung’s head, surrounding him. The noises are cornering him, pushing him into it’s dark hole. Jisung is trapped and he does not know how to get out. His ears are ringing, the pain is unbearable and the panic is making it way up Jisung’s back. Suddenly he feels a hand on this thigh, a hand he knows very well and,

_ snap, _

just like that Jisung is brought back to reality. The turbulence around him disappears in an instant. 

“You okay?” Minho whispers, looking at Jisung with his big eyes. 

“Yeah, everything's fine.” And it is not a lie, everything is fine again. Minho once again had been the knight in shining armour. Just by his familiar touch, everything became okay again. Jisung can’t wrap his head around how Minho’s hands work such magic, but he is very grateful they do. Jisung smiles at Minho, to reassure him that he really is okay, before picking up his fork and start to eat as well. 

“Wait, what are we talking about?” Jisung asks, joining the conversation the other had when he zoned out. 

“Jeongin pulled a prank on Seungmin today” Woojin laughs and fills Jisung in on the details. It is a good distraction to not let Jisung’s thoughts go back to what almost just happened. No, Jisung won’t let this good day turn into a bad one, so he jokes and laughs along with his friends. And he has a good time. A really good time actually, and that is how it is supposed to be. Jisung just wishes it was like that all the time, that he didn’t have episodes where he zones out and Minho having to save him. It would be so much easier if Jisung just was happy all the time, and even though he knows it is impossible, he can’t help but wish for it. To only have the good days, and never the bad ones. For Jisung to always be able to laugh and have fun whenever he hangs out with his friends. 

 

***

 

Textbooks and notes are spread all around Jisung as he is sitting on the floor in his room trying to study. There is a test coming up, and he is nowhere near ready for it. A deep sigh leaves his lips as he tries to understand the notes he took previous class, but it is almost impossible. Why does he never learn to write properly? Suddenly a there’s a knock on the door and a head with dark brown hair and smiling eyes pop in. 

“Minho-hyung!” Jisung blurts out, happy to see the unexpected face.  “I didn’t know you were coming over. How did it go at the doctors?” 

Minho hadn’t been to school that day, due to a doctors appointment to check on his knee that was hurting.  It had felt a bit odd to Jisung that Minho wasn’t there to walk him to school, or to chat with him at lunch, or to go to his house after school. It had thankfully been a pretty good day for Jisung, he had felt pretty happy when he woke up but it had bothered him a little not to have Minho there to support him through the day. Jisung was so used to have Minho right by his side all the time, and it felt empty when he wasn’t there. 

“Good, I’m going back in a month for another check up” Minho says as he sits down on the floor next to Jisung. “How was school? Did you miss me?”

“Will you be sad if I say no?” Jisung teases, but the truth is that he actually did miss Minho, more than he would like to admit. Jisung hadn’t realised how much he relied on Minho, even on the good days. He knew that he heavily depends on the older on the bad days, but it was surprising to Jisung how much he actually depends on Minho on the good days. Maybe because Jisung is so used to having Minho there, right by his side. 

“No, because I know that you’ll be lying if you say no” Minho pushes Jisung friendly in the side, before turning his attention to what’s on the floor. “What are you doing?”

“Studying” Jisung answers. “History test on friday.”

“Can you actually read this?” Minho picks up the the notes Jisung was struggling to read earlier. “You’re handwriting is terrible.”

“Yes, I can! Give it back if you’re gonna be mean” Jisung says and tries to snatch the paper from Minho’s hand, but Minho quickly pulls it away, laughing. Another attempt is made, and with full force Jisung throws himself towards the paper, but Minho is just as quick to pull away this time as well, and instead Jisung falls over Minho. Minho loses his balance and they end up in a pile on the floor with Jisung on top of the older. 

“Hey, I can’t breathe with you on top of me” Minho complains as Jisung lays on top of him, but Jisung can see a smirk making its way onto Minho’s lips, revealing he is only messing with the younger. “Get off!”

“No, it’s what you deserve for being mean” Jisung teases back. He feels laughter bubbling up inside of him, it is always so fun teasing Minho. “You know what else you deserve?” 

“What?” Minho’s smirk has formed into a wide smile and it shines up his face more than the sun would ever be able to do. 

“This” Jisung softly says, before leaning in and pressing his lips against Minho’s. Through the kiss Jisung can feel Minho smile, and when they pull away the smile is still there. The kiss makes Jisung feel warm inside, there is nothing better than kissing Minho. The warmth reaches his cheeks, turning them a light pink color and Jisung rolls off Minho and starts packing up his schoolwork. “Wanna watch a movie?” 

 

As Jisung sits next to Minho, resting his head on the older’s shoulder and their fingers locked together while they are watching a movie, he feels genuinely happy. The smile that has been on Jisung’s face since they were lying on the floor doesn’t seem to go away. It is starting to hurt Jisung’s cheeks, but it doesn’t matter, not at all. His body feels light, breathing is finally easy and the heartbeat is steady. In the moment there is nothing to be sad or worry about, and it feels good,  _ so good. _ It has been too long since Jisung last felt like this, sure he has days where he is happy, but still there is always some sort of underlining worry, but not now. Now he is truly happy, from the inside out. This is how Jisung always wants to be. To not be worried and just be able to relax, and enjoy the moment. Jisung knows that a lot of, if not all of, the happiness he is feeling right now has to do with Minho. It is impressive how strong Minho is, how he still takes care of Jisung without questioning it the slightest. The more Jisung thinks about it the more he realises something. He knows that without Minho he wouldn’t be able to get through his bad days, and even though Jisung is extremely grateful for everything Minho does, it can’t continue. The bad days can’t continue. Maybe it is too much to ask for, but Jisung wants the bad days to end. He only wants it to be like it is right now, with him feeling happy, at ease when he is with Minho. It is such a waste of precious time with Minho if they are spent with Jisung being sad. Jisung lifts his head and looks at Minho. The older is perfect with his smooth skin, soft lips and big eyes. Out of nowhere Jisung feels like showering the older in love, he feels so overwhelmed with all the emotions he has for the older. 

“I adore you.” Jisung says and places a kiss on Minho’s cheek, who softly giggles. That pure, happy giggle makes Jisung’s heart warm, making it continue to beat strong and steady. It is that giggle Minho only lets out on Jisung’s good days and it is enough for Jisung to make a decision once and for all; the bad days has to go. 

  
  


A few days later Jisung follows Minho home after school, and now the two boys are laying on Minho’s bed. Cuddling like usual, but that is what Jisung loves to do. After a lot of thought Jisung has decided that today is the day that he is going to talk to Minho, to tell him what’s actually going on in his mind.

“Minho-hyung” Jisung nervously. His hands are sweating, and he wipes them off on Minho’s sheets. “I need to talk to you.”

“What is it Hannie?” Minho questionly asks.  

“You’re like my medicine” Jisung starts to say, pausing himself. It is hard to tell Minho what’s really on Jisung’s chest, to open up his heart. Even if Minho is the only one Jisung would trust with his soul, it is hard. Jisung doesn’t want to put himself in a more vulnerable situation than he already has shown Minho. “You are the one that makes me smile, makes me breathe, makes me feel happy. And I love you for that, b-but I’m addicted. I am addicted to you.”

“Wait, where is this going?” Minho’s voice is high, and it almost cracks. “Are you breaking up with me?”

“What no! I would never!” Jisung bursts out, that was not at all what he meant. Embarrassed blood rushes to Jisung’s face.

“Then what the hell are you trying to say?” Minho asks, confused. 

“I-I am just trying to say that-” Jisung stutters, not being able to form the words right. He can feel the panic start to creep up on him, heart beating faster, breathing becoming heavier. Minho notices right away, and is quick to act by taking Jisung’s hands, squeezing them lightly.

“I’m sorry” he says. “I’m right here. Take it slow.”

Jisung takes a deep breath, he can do this. 

“What I am trying to say is that you’re my medicine” Jisung says, trying to keep his voice calm, only half succeeding. “And I’m addicted. You are the only thing that makes me able to get through my bad days, and I am so grateful for you for doing that. But the other day when you came over to my house I felt so happy, like genuinely happy, and I want to feel like that all the time, and I can’t rely on you to feel like that. I need to be able to be happy on my own as well.”

Jisung pauses himself again, taking a few second to think what to say next. He looks up at Minho, meets his kind eyes and it gives Jisung the strength he need to continue. 

“What I am trying to get to is that I talked with my mother last night, and she is getting me help. Like professional help, so I can be happy again. I just want to be the happy Jisung again.”

At first Minho just looks at Jisung without saying anything, but then his face shines up in a huge smile. 

“Hannie” He says softly, and pulls Jisung unexpectedly into his arms. “I am so proud of you.”

The embrace of Minho’s in combination of the soft words makes all the tension Jisung felt before run of him. The relief is overwhelming and without noticing it at first, tears slowly start to fall down the younger’s cheeks. The tears leaves dark stains on Minho’s shirt, but he doesn’t seem to mind.

“I love you” Minho whispers as he slowly rocks Jisung in his arms. Until the tears are gone, Jisung lets himself be held by Minho. Jisung doesn’t cry because he is sad, no he cries because it finally feels like he has made a decision in the right direction. It all is overwhelming, but it feels good, so good. The bad days has been taking over too much, and it is time for them to go. It is a scary step to take, and maybe that’s the reason he hasn’t done it before. Or maybe the reason is that Jisung wasn’t ready. It doesn’t actually matter, because he has finally decided to do it. Better late, than never.

“You won’t leave right?” Jisung sniffles. He doesn’t want to ask, but he needs to make sure Minho isn’t going anywhere. There is no way Jisung can do this without Minho by his side. The arms around Jisung squeezes him thighter, and Jisung knows exactly what Minho is going to answer.

“Never, Hannie. Never.”

 

“There is one thing I would like to ask you” Jisung says a few hours later, as they lay next to each other on Minho’s bed. 

“What is it, Hannie?” Minho turns his head towards Jisung.

“When I am better, like when I don’t have so many bad days anymore” Jisung starts, not sure if he should continue with what he is trying to say. The realisation that there is no turning back comes quickly, there is no reason to be afraid. Not even if it is the third time Jisung is asking the same question, after all it is Minho he is asking. “Will you be my boyfriend then?”

Minho looks at Jisung, smile wide and eyes shining. Slowly he leans in, lets their lips meet in a soft kiss.

“Of course, that’s all I ever wanted” Minho says as they pull away, and there it is again. In Jisung’s stomach that ball of happiness appears again. The happiness only Minho is able to pull out of him, but it's the happiness that makes Jisung feel the most alive.

  
  


When Jisung walks out the therapists building, Minho is already there waiting for him with a coffee in each hand. The spring sun is shining, and the air feels refreshing. It is impossible for Jisung to hold back his smile at the sight of the brown haired boy, with glowing skin and sparkling eyes.

“Hello” Minho says and hands him one of the coffees. “How did it go?”

It has been a little over two months since Jisung decided to get professional help, and even if it is a slow progress, things are moving forward. The bad days are still there, and maybe they will always be, but they aren’t fully as bad anymore. 

“Ah thanks. It went well, feels better and better after every visit” Jisung says and takes a sip of his coffee without checking the temperature first. “Ah hot! Hot!”

Minho shakes his head and laughs at Jisung. 

“You idiot.” Minho sighs and Jisung pushes him friendly in the side. 

“So how is my boyfriend doing?” Jisung says and reaches for Minho’s hand, intertwining their fingers. His hand is warm, and as always, it fits perfect in Jisung’s.  

“I’m not your boyfriend” Minho says, raising his eyebrows. “Not yet. Maybe soon, but not yet.”

“I know” Jisung sighs, but then smiles. “But I need to practice, so that when we finally are together, I can introduce you perfectly.”

To that Minho doesn’t have a response, instead he gives out a loud laugh. The laughter bubbles up inside of Jisung as well, and soon they both are laughing. This is all that Jisung could possibly ask for; walking hand in hand with his (soon to be) boyfriend, laughing and having fun. For today Jisung feels happy, and that is all that matters in the moment. Tomorrow it might be another bad day, but that’s not to think about now. Now all Jisung focuses on his how happy he is in the moment. And if it happens to be a bad day tomorrow, Minho will be there. He will be there to take care of Jisung, to make him feel better and to make him feel safe. Minho will make everything better, because after all, he is Jisung’s medicine. 


End file.
